This is my dedication to Clay...A hero, a legend among men, he makes jesus look like a cheap magician...good luck on your exams, and if you don't fill this out for me send it to your other friends to do...it's a good procrastination tool!!! ;) Cheerio...

AM I??
1. Quiet / Loud? Clay is the loudest man I know. With a simple Shit Yeah he has shattered, at last count, 49 ear drums.
2. Short / Tall? Clay is the tallest man I know. The one time he got head, the girl had to use a ladder. ...But when in the throes of passion he said Shit Yeah!......Her head exploded.
3. Weird / Original Clay is the most original weird guy I know. He's the only guy I know who shaves his pubes with his hands. I think that is both original and kind of weird. But it does kind of explain the patches of hair on his palms.....Oh wait thats the constant masturbating.
4. Nice / Mean Clay is the nicest man I know. I have nothing bad to say about that. He's the kind of guy that would make out with a native hitchicker just beacuse she looked lonely.
5. Friendly / Selfish Clay is the most friendliest giant I know. One time he donated one of his nuts to a far distant relative who had a accident with a tire. I think it was because he just wanted somebody to comment on his awesome pubes, and fondle his balls.
6. Normal / "Special" Clay is the most "Special" man I know. Anyone who can weep and laugh as much as he does has to be special.
7. Smart / Stupid Clay is the stupidiest man I know. He actually sent me a weaker questionnaire. For shame Mr. Clay. Though at the same time he is smart, because he knew that writing this would make me laugh, thus making my day better. Jesus Clay you are a genius, and a saint so thank you, thank you very much.
8. Boring / Fun Clay is the most funnest man that I know. Any man who gets so drunk that he can't hold himself up to the toliet to throw up and spends the night puking on his crotch, has to be fun.
9. Attractive / Unattractive Clay is the most attractive man I know. With his tall slendor features, short curly brown hair, glowing smile. Whenever I see him I try and not get lost in his deep greenish/brown eyes. Oh, oh my god I am getting a mean halfy, no wait its worked its way to a 3 quart. Oh Yeah! I now have a raging hard on. Clay if you told me you were actually a girl I'd fuck you for sure. P.S. You wouldn't have to tell me, we can just say you did.

DO YOU THINK I'M...
1. A psycho?: Clay has a collection of barbies that he dresses up as the people he knows and plays with them. I am Surfer girl Barbie. Murph is Shopping Barbie, and Doyle, he's Ken. Just cause he is stuck all alone in Cornwall and wants all his old playmates back.
2. A nerd?: Clay once cracked the code into the pentagon just to look at the dirtiest porn ever made. It took him 10 minutes with one hand, the other was occupied witht the second dirtiest porn ever made.
3. Pretty Clay once stopped traffic when walking down the street. Of course he was naked, and running from an angry native hitchhiker.
4. Ghetto?: Clay shot 50 cent, Tupac and Biggie because shit son, its what he does.
5. A smarty: Clay once 32 boxes of smarties in a row. It was a world record for 10 whole minutes.
6. Two-faced?: Clay once spread a rumour about himself at StarTek. It was that he had a 13 inch cock. He was lying of course its actually 16.5 inches. After nailing a co-worker at a party, she set the rumour straight with her awkward "I shit myself' walk...
7. Obnoxious?: Clay once made a cell phone call in a theater. During the conversation he said Shit Yeah! and the theater burst into flames. Ruining everybodies night. But that was only once.....Clay is now banned from all forms of entertainment.
8. Immature?: Clay pisses himself and laughs because he likes the feel, not because he is immature.
9. Mature?: Clay is actually 57 years old.
11. Moody?: Clay almost didn't smile once. The world slowed, it took Superman flying aorund the earth to speed it up again.....Clay is Superman is Superman.
12. losser?: Clay sits by himself and jerks off 10 times a day, while crying. He saves the tears in a jar he calls his "Rainy day fund". He uses this as lube every second tuesday. He calls this day his "Little bit of sunshine" and jerks an extra time.
13. A prep? Clay got kicked out of prep school for being too preppy, his Khakis had a crease that could poke your eye out and it did. Thats why he got kicked out.
15. Lovable?: I am in love with Clayton Eamer. There I said it.

JUST SOME QUESTIONS
1. What do u think I'll be when I grow up?: Clay is going to be a male stripper. He is going to dance to "I touch myself" and just sit on the stage and jerk it for the 5 minutes and leave with a big smile on his face because people have experienced his art.
2. (a) Do u think I'll get married?: Clay is going marry the first girl who can handle him. Shit Yeah! (b) If u do..who do u think I'll marry?: Me
3. When is my birthday?: Clay was born in December 1949.
4. Who is my best friend?: I am
5. What song (if any) reminds u of me?: Oh I don't know a little song called "The speech from Ten things I hate about you" as perfomed by Julia Stiles.
6. Do I remind u of any characters on TV?: The character of Alf is based on Clay. Only he doesn't come form Melmac. But he does eat cats.
7. If u could rename me...what would my name be?: Awesome
8. Have u ever had a dream about me?: Awkward. Fine...
what was it?...we were part of a tandum bicycle team competing in a race around the world, naked.
10. If u could give me anything...what would it be?: I would give Clay a 6 pack because he so desperatly wants one. OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Burn! I bet after this whole thing that'll be the one that'll hurt the deepest.
11. If u could promise me anything..what would it be?: I have promised Clay that on his 61st birthday if he still hasn't gotten laid I will put on that wig.
12. If you could have anything that I have what would it be?: I want Clay. Not in a sexual manner but more like his soul. You know he'd have to follow me around and do my biddings.

PERSONAL(OPPOSITE SEX) You know I am going to answer these.
1. Would u ever kiss me?: On the first date?
2. Would u ever consider being my boyfriend?: You are my boyfriend
3. Do u ever think about me off-line?: When are you offline?
4. If we spent a day together.where would we go and what would we do?: That whole Tandum biking idea seemed kind of fun. I think there's a race next week.
5. If u could describe me in one word...what would that word be? : Bulge
6. (a)Do u or have u ever had a crush on me?: Maybe..... (b)Do u still have a crush on me? Maybe....
7. u KNOW u want me? : Yes deeply. Ignore the past two answers. Honestly though Clay if a girl was to answer this what do you think they'll write. Then again you are Clay...Well played.
8. (a)Do u think u would have a chance with me? : I certainly hope so (b)Would I have a chance with u?: Not a chance, that is unless you are in the same room as me, then maybe.
9.If I asked you out what would you say? : Lets stay in, put on Ten things I hate about you and cuddle.
10.(a)If I told u I loved you would it change our relationship?: You did last summer because I bought you Guinness. I'm still here (b)If yes how?:
11.If you could change anything about me what
would it be? : That you weren't so damn tall. Those hookers i am sending you have to supply there own ladders.

** EVERYBODY**
1. Do u wish we were closer? Clay I have seen you naked. Do I really want to be any closer. P.S. for anybody interested Clay has a huge hog.
2. What is your complete opinion of me? Clayton Eamer is by far one of my top 3 friends in the world. I would do anything for him, and all he'd have to do was ask.